Archive for August, 2009

Unfortunate Product Names

August 28, 2009

Here’s a clue for the folks at Glico, one of the major confectionary / soft drink manufacturers in Japan, most famous for making Pocky

Espresso is good.  Making a decaffinated espresso drink for folks on the go who don’t want to be awake all night might be a shrewd idea.  But when thinking of a name under which to market your decaf espresso, don’t do THIS…

D-Presso 01

Ah, D-presso.  It doesn’t give you a caffeine crash… it just brings you down.  Maybe if they added some Zoloft or something to the mix…

What makes it even better is the little blurb on the top:

D-Presso 02

You’re gonna need it, sucker.

More to come…

Family Visits and Odd Foodstuffs

August 13, 2009

My smart, upwardly-mobile, stunningly beautiful sisters visited us last week.

MJFeetsm

Here they are standing outside our back door, in the rock garden I made.

In addition to being the wonderful girls that they are, they are doing Masako and I a huge favor by living in the bottom unit of our house in the States.  We didn’t have to rent it out to possibly scumbag tenants, and they are always there to take care of emergencies (like the basement flooding, last spring).  So our tiny apartment in Toyota became their tiny apartment in Toyota for six days.

We spent quite a bit of time in the countryside, driving in the mountains, going “up north” to Takayama, going to a hot spring (a bit TOO hot in the summer, even at high elevations) and generally having a good time.

One morning in a Family Mart convenience store in Takayama, we found these fun food items:  buns with various ingredients and enthusiastic Engrish:

eggdogsm

First up is the “Egg Dog”.  I would like to know the process by which one could bite and NOT taste it. I’m also wondering if you’re supposed to chew it.  Is that implied, or should I not take a risk and merely follow the instructions to the letter?  But it doesn’t say to spit it out, either.  What do I do?!?!?!

tunacornsm

Next up is the enigmatic “Tuna Corn Dog”.  Why the Japanese developed a penchant for putting sweet corn into / onto practically everything- muffins, pizza, spaghetti sauce, and even ice cream sundaes- is one of the most vexing of culinary mysteries.   Thus we get stuff like the tuna / corn dog.  Though it may indeed be juicy and mild, I’m not totally sold on the idea of tuna and corn producing any sort of “harmony”.  Maybe akin to a bad coffee shop folk group, but no more…

Weinersm

Ah, the Weiner Dog.  Across which is squeezed ketchup and mustard.  Then it sits in its plastic wrapper for months, like a Twinkie.  Eek.

More to come…

How to Good-bye Depresssion

August 11, 2009

Naturally, I thought this was a joke when I first saw it…

Depression

Surely, a book called “How to Good-bye Depression: If you Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? Or Effective Way?” was nothing more than an “Engrish” photoshop job… but as it turns out, it is indeed a real book, and you can purchase it here.  Note that it also has an average review of 4 stars out of 5.  Not only that, but Hiroyuki Nishigaki has also written other books.

My guess is that the author self-published this after translating the whole thing with the help of either a.) Babelfish or b.) an inexperienced translator.

In any case, it’s a hundred times more wonderful that this is a real product.  Ass-clenchingly good.  Very moving.  Gotta pinch myself.  Etc.

NHK is the Faux of Japan / Architecture

August 10, 2009

Rant time!  Make that rambling rant time…

Masako and I often joke that NHK (the government-owned TV and radio network) is much more like Fox News than NPR or PBS or the CBC or BBC.  The tone adopted by NHK in most of its news and talk programs is similar to that adopted by a disturbing percentage of Japan’s high-level politicians… xenophobic, status quo, and most importantly, the idea that everything bad that happens to Japan is the fault of foreign meddling rather than the short-sighted, flawed policies of its own government.  It’s Us vs. Them, “Them” being the foreign ideas that are destroying the purity of Japan.

Sound familiar?

Japanese are raised with the idea that Japan is a unique place.  It is, but not in the way they think, and not in the ways they are taught.  You may have run across funny stories, like the one of the ski equipment manufacturer whose products were rejected on the grounds that “Japanese snow is different than Western snow”.  I myself have encountered otherwise intelligent and educated Japanese who truly believe that Japan is the only country that has four distinct seasons, the only country that has cherry blossoms, the only country that has cicaidas, etc. etc. etc., fill in your own blank.  This is cute and funny the first time you encounter it.  It becomes progressively more frightening the more you think of it.

The goverment of Japan has a vested interest in keeping this up.  It is one leg that props up the Japanese psyche, the other being the idea that the rest of the world is confusing, disturbing, and dangerous.  If they believe that Japan is the best, safest, and most advanced nation in the world, then people won’t go anywhere else to see differently, and won’t get any funny ideas about bucking the status quo.

This spills over in odd little ways, even on seemingly innocuous TV programs that are otherwise entertaining and educational.  Masako and I tuned in to a show that featured a house-building competition between three construction crews; one from the USA, one from the UK, and one from Japan.  They each had a lot in a fairly remote and pristine wooded area to build on, and the show focused on the design and execution of the three houses.  All well and good so far.

The U.S. crew built a southwestern-style home with contemporary components.  The Brits built a lovely brick cottage.  The Japanese created a contemporary with interior “traditional” components and a wood-clad exterior.  All were very nice.

There were problems along the way.  The U.S. and U.K. teams used Japanese building products, some of which were unfamiliar to them.  For example, the waterproof exterior stain turned out not to be waterproof.  It ran all over the place.  To me, this would seem to be an indictment of the product.  But the show managed to spin it into “foreigners ignorant of Japanese products” and then made a big deal of the fact that the Japanese crew came over to help them clean up the mess.  Okay, fine.  Whatever.

There were also some interesting claims made during the show.  The U.K. crew built several lintels in their house with decorative stained glass panels that could be opened for ventilation.  The show claimed that this sort of architecture was a Japanese invention.  Now, it is true that Japanese architects have been using lintels like this for a long time, usually decorated with carved wooden panels that admit air.  But I find it somewhat difficult to believe that this idea originated with the Japanese, and that somehow it made its way to pre-medieval England.  I seem to recall Roman and Greek architecture like this, and frankly it’s such a simple concept that it would be hard to determine who actually thought of it first.  If I am wrong, and someone can prove it, please let me know.  Otherwise, I’ll continue to believe it’s just one more morsel of BS being reported as fact, and move on.

The three houses were completed.  One thing I thought was very nice was that the houses were by no means huge and extravagent showcases- all were modestly-sized (two or three bedrooms) and not too obtrusive.   They were reviewed by a panel of experts.  The winner?  The Japanese house.  Upon review, I have to admit that I thought it was pretty darn nice, and if I got to choose one, I would likely choose it, if only for its outdoor bath.

But then the shark was jumped.  The idea was presented that Japanese housing was the best in the world.

The fact, however, is something the show did not bother to mention.  The fact is, a great many Americans and Brits can and do live in houses exactly as portrayed on the show.

Most Japanese, however, do not (and in fact cannot) live in a house like that shown on the show.  In the old days, Japanese houses were wood and paper, designed around a central support point or points, with sliding doors that would open to the outside, letting the outside in.  Today, many municipalities ban wooden structures like the one on the show because of fire hazards.  Due to lack of building codes (and the will and means to enforce them, caused by various unholy agreements between government and construction companies), most modern Japanese houses are flimsy and have no insulation whatsoever.  The floor plans have been Westernized, regardless of local weather, so you have houses with poor air circulation running air conditioners or space heaters 24/7 in a desperate attempt to keep the uninsulated interiors cool / warm (I don’t even want to know how much energy is wasted in this way).  Utility pipes are often simply tacked to the outside of buildings, resulting in a lot of unnecessary ugliness.

Japan’s old architecture is some of the most elegant, ergonomic, and downright beautiful the world has ever seen.  Nowadays, the landscape is blighted with eyesores that would look more at home in the old Soviet bloc, or perhaps a third-world slum, than in an ostensibly first-world industrialized nation.

More on this to come.